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| Ooh, mad hot angry |
| 07.31.05 (8:45 pm) [edit] |
Todays other song-Go It Alone by Beck
So its after 11:30pm and whos angry?
Lisa.
And at the peak of this anger, I was looking at that picture cd of 8th graders that leadership gave us.
Angry, angry, angry.
I look fucking hella ugly angry.
People look hella ugly angry.
I want to burn meadow park down angry.
I want to machine gun people down angry.
And then, I came to a picture of me, Tyler and Tim in Human Anatomy pausing from talking, insulting Tim and violating random item's rights for a picture. [Items like colored pencils, textbooks, scissors, sheets of paper, binders] and I look at Tyler's ridiculous short new haircut and how Tim-like Tim looks like. And I miss them. And Jon.
I miss Tyler and Jon so much.
I hope Jon listens to what I wrote in his yearbook.
And I hope Ty finds someone who treats him how he deserves to be treated who'll invite me to their wedding.
Yeah, so what if all we had was middle school and will have the future. Im totally going to his wedding. Ive already told him anyway.
*sigh*
Its way early.
Yet too late to be so mad.
Your lord and master,
Lisa
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| Air Freshener Cartoon |
| 07.31.05 (3:46 pm) [edit] |
Todays Song-When You Say You Love Me by Josh Groban
If you noticed I put a Josh Groban song for todays song and was wondering "Josh Groban?!?!" then, ha ha, you actually pay attention to my retarded songs of the day.
If you dont like it, State of the Union by Rise Against
HARDCORE!
The song reminds me of like Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson singing an aladdin song for a christmas special on tv. Sweet, very sweet though James.
So, its Sunday.
Weekend.
In like five days I shall be leaving.
But, it doesnt faze me.
Not until I fully realize that Im leaving for a whole month to a country that drives me nuts. Ill be gone from my home for a whole month when the longest Ive been away is for a week. Ill actually be on a plane for the first time in my life. Ill actually be on a greyhound bus for like eighteen hours. Ill be surrounded by asians speaking Cambodian instead of white people speaking wonderful English. And, Ill be everywhere in this country. Ill get real bug bites. I may even have to piss outside. Ill be driven nuts.
And then, Ill come back and jump for joy for being back in Oregon. But then, after I go through my mail and find out whats happening with my friends, Ill get even more nervous than Natalie about theme park about high school.
For the first time in my life, I shall be gone from home for a whole month, out of the country, fly on an airplane and then enter high school in panic.
Anyhoo, I havent packed, havent learned how to say important things in Cambodian (I know how to count to 19 though, thats gotta be something), cleaned the house, anything I wanted to do this summer, or anything.
But I do know Ill be taking my cds, cd player, my moshi pillow, white hippie skirt, black shorts, blue jean shorts, wallet, camera, humanity whatever and express jeans, hair ties, toothbrush, toothpaste, timer, hair brush, and..thats all I know.
Im to bring at the most three outfits and then buy everything else super cheap at Cambodia.
Ill also be bringing either my charm bracelet or necklace James gave me.
But I dont know which one.
CDS I want:
Something Corporate
Hot Hot Heat (I thought I had it but I didnt)
The Bravery
Jack Johnson
Tyler Hilton
Junior Varsity
..And much more!
Thoughts:
1) Its hot.
2) Someone should make a cartoon about a can of air freshener who gropes computers.
3) Am I hungry?
4) Screw Cambodia.
5) I miss James. [more than he misses me]
6) The lead singer of Rise Against yells a lot.
7) Its freakin' hot.
Yes, an actually 14-year-old opened her mind to the public and told them her thoughts. Her actually real thoughts. This is very important for all of mankind.
Shes hot, might be hungry, wants entertainment, misses a member of the opposite sex, notices things about music and is thinking bad thoughts about a country.
Who knows what she'll be thinking at age 15?!
Sneak preview.."I hate school, I dont want to drive"
And maybe, "I love James"
Maybe-huh, THATS bad thnking.
I mean, Ill definitely be thinking of that.
Its hot.
Your lord and master,
Lisa
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| Is This..It? |
| 07.28.05 (12:34 pm) [edit] |
Todays Song-Is This It by The Strokes
Yesterday was hella hot. I could have gone to the beach but was afraid my grandma and mom would yell at me. Turns out that my mom wanted me to go and my grandma is just, well, old and mad crazy. I took a nap that lasted four hours. In that time, James got on, Calvin never woke me up and I realized
"Holy shit, why is it when James gets on, Im always frickin unconscious?!"
And that nap was bad, seriously bad. It ruined my whole wake up early, go to bed early thing Im starting. I fell asleep at 3 (I think, I lost my sight at 2:13, but regained it at 2:29). It was hot, the fan wasnt circulating enough air and I moved around my bed so much that I completely switched where everything is. Everything at the top of the bed is at the foot and everything at the foot of my bed is at the top or tossed off to the side. I woke up four hours later and then fell back asleep until Calvin woke me up at 1:17. I had some awful dreams. First it was something. Second it was me with a group of people and Megan E going to the mall and shoplifting candy from a vendor person who didnt watch her little counter. And then it switched it me in Mr. D's class in social studies with the band teacher substituting. There were desks instead of the tables and we were in a circle. I was near the sink next to Natalie. Mr. Band Teacher was coming around to drink our cups of sprite that had coins in it. He wanted those coins from us, he stole our money. But it wasnt money..it was harry potter coins. He wanted sickles. So everyone had sickles in their cups of sprite and he came around to drink them and collect the coins. For some reason, I drank half of my sprite and spat into the cup and had a knut and a sickle in it. He drank Nat's stuff and she was shaking and was scared out of her wits. He came over to my desk, drank my spit and sprite and took my coins. I said "hey! you only wanted sickles! you swallowed my knut!" and he got angry. The class gasped. He took out a small knife and started cutting my left shoulder blade. It was like a dull pain and there were stripes of blood. I was in shock, touching the blood and Natalie was about to pass out. The whole class was in shock since I was the only person who spoke out to him and he actually hurt a student. He said to the class "if you have a problem with the way I teach, go complain to the principal" and he moved on to the person who was sitting by me. And then he moved on again. And I got angry. I dashed out of the room and ran to the office where this bitch of a lady said that I couldnt see the principal and that the office was located upstairs. So..there were these stairs outside of the office and I ran up them. I came into this dark room with a bed and Megan for some damn reason was on the floor with a laptop working on the school's newspaper. I told her my problem and I heard yells outside of the door. Mr. Band Teacher said "I cut up Alan Phan too." I went under the covers of the bed and swore to myself that once those voices are gone Im going to freaking see the principal. But then I woke up panting.
My shoulder hurt...
So did my spine. I walked to the bathroom to wash my face and brush my teeth and I felt super tall and stiff. I measured my height with my cat poster and I met the top. Im usually half an inch from the top. I finished washing my face adn brushing my teeth and measured myself again and I was back to half an inch down. Feels like 4th grade, I couldnt bend right. Does this mean Lisa's getting way taller? I think. Im now 5'5'', only two inches away from the height my doctor said I was supposed to be. I dont know how the hell Im getting those two inches. My body is taller than my mom's but her neck's longer so she's 5'6''. I think I have the longest legs in my family. Yeah, well, theyre fat legs so Im not proud.
Then I go downstairs and is met with a psycho almost-two-year-old who Wont. Get. Off. Me.
My breakfast was a taco and some fiesta potatoes from taco bell.
Its too hot for tacos, too hot for anything.
And I feel like a coward. A damn coward. Where's my common sense? Whys it not working? Why cant I do anything? A goddamn coward, thats what I am.
I have a can of red bull upstairs but I dont know if I should drink it.
I dont believe in caffeine.
But then I would pass out if it wasnt so hot.
Eight more days until Cambodia.
Until then, Im still a damn coward without reason.
For Whom The Bell Tolls is like mostly dialogue.
Its over four hundred pages.
That kills me.
I miss people.
I miss James.
I really wanted to see him this summer, but it didnt happen.
Damn asianess.
The only times I will ever see someone is if they go to the groccery store when Im there or if they go to the Arbor Ridge Park at 7:40 and its a running day.
So damn hot.
And Calvins pissing the shit out of me.
Your lord and master,
Lisa
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| Im.. |
| 07.27.05 (1:40 pm) [edit] |
Todays other song-The song to your left.
...Disgusted.
Your lord and master,
Lisa
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| Oh Holy... |
| 07.27.05 (5:52 am) [edit] |
Todays Song-Something not about love.
Its really early.
Ive decided that I shouldnt be a lazy fucker and wake up early and go to bed early.
Screw 12 hours of sleep everyday, I dont need it. It gives me headaches anyway.
And anyway, yesterday night, I couldnt sleep until 3:20 because Ive been waking up at 2 everyday of this week.
I go to bed at like after 12.
So really..13 hours of sleep everyday, I dont need it.
I slept for 4 hours yesterday night.
Time for change!
Now Im going to bed at 12 and waking up early.
Early early early.
ITS ALMOST TOO DAMN EARLY!
I woke up at 7:26..naturally.
That aint right my sistas and brothas.
Not early enough to run though.
I hate having West Union behind my house.
So this morning, I woke up right.
Did a load of laundry.
Baked six hashbrowns.
Played solitaire
And put on the playlist of the cd I gave to James.
Yeah..cd.
I mixed him a cd.
I could have gotten him like a soccer ball or something with more use but what the hell? Ill burn a cd!
Since like that last cd..it was a beatles mix.
Last time Im making a whole cd about the 60s and 70s.
Right, so Ive listened to this goddamn thing a lot to make sure its right. Like RIGHT.
And now, after I made Natalie give it to him..Im realized what songs I chose.
And I love every one of these songs.
They come from my cds.
So major indie Lisa's special type of music.
AND THEY SAY LOVE SO MUCH!
LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE!
Makes me want to put a paper bag over my head.
Theres even this one song by the pixies and they go
"La la love you, la la love you, kill me"
Something like that.
THE WHOLE SONG IS LIKE "LA LA I LOVE YOU"
Course..now that I have my hashbrowns nicely baked and frickin crispy and the songs no longer say LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE. I feel a little better about the damn cd.
Maybe its my little problem.
Cant say love too much or Ill go psycho.
Before I was in doubt about this song by Weezer.
"Id do anything to get the hell out alive"
Yes? No?
Im thinking this is much better than the Pixies.
But its not.
You know what?
To hell with it!
I DO LOVE JAMES!
And there we go.
Lisas an effin nerd.
Who has a major case of the asian guilt.
I went to my cousins house and stayed until 10:30.
I went at 4.
And and my mom lately has to work major at work so she cant do chores.
I gotta do them.
But so far Ive only done laundry.
Screw me.
And this little rascal on my lap is munching away on my hashbrowns while waiting to go to the beach.
No, shes actually tearing the thing apart and eating the insides.
Im teaching her to say Are You Done?
And she's getting it.
And shes singing..about plea-nuh-buh-plea-nuh-buh -brriing-na-blah
My dead hashbrowns..*tear*
Your lord and master,
Lisa
The Great Gatsby sucks.
How does myrtle die then Jay?!
And where did daisy go?!
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| Restless |
| 07.22.05 (8:35 pm) [edit] |
Todays Song-Girl by Beck
I think hes saying "my sun-eyed girl"
My eyes have never shown the sun.
Alright, Im ready to put a double layer of socks on, buy some cheap shoes that wont kill me and then run away to live in some store.
Im so wrapped up in something, its driving me nuts.
Like since my dad made me wear this stupid necklace, Ive been feeling slightly odd.
A little asthma-ish even though its kicking, its not a stupid problem that Im making it.
Ive been paying way too much attention to my legs. Like how my calves are the $%^*#*! biggest things Ive ever seen. My ankles are disgustingly huge. And my thighs..ick. Just, ick. So calves plus huge ass thighs=The sickest knees youve ever seen.
Drumming, I want to do it again. I seriously want to do it.
My image. If a total stranger looked at me and had to label me something, what would they label me? Cool? Pathetic asian? Prep? No one? Miss YOURE-EFFIN-UGLY?
Hockey dreams are gone.
If my relationship with James was a line, instead of walking to the light I feel like Im tiptoeing skips away.
I want to run, but then I dont want to.
FUSE is now my favorite channel.
Dreams happen every night.
My skin has been its worse this year.
My goddamn hair.
My stupid attitude.
Everything.
Well, no.
I want to say everything and sound dramatic and that my life sucks but,
I cant.
I think Ill be fine if I draw my room out, organize my clothes/clean and run.
Draw.
Clothes.
Clean.
Run.
That shouldnt be too much to ask but Im the biggest [word I cant think of].
Maybe I just need to laugh.
Like talk to someone and have them make me laugh.
Not from insulting someone else, not from insulting anything.
Just, a funny story.
Or a funny opinion.
You losers who are complaining about having shit filled summers, just shut up.
Seriously.
Youre fine. You dont matter.
Youve got people to talk to, things to do.
Where as I cant do a thing.
I feel like my voice box will break from lack of using it correctly.
I havent been outside, I havent gone off to camp or the beach or anything, I havent seen a soul from school, I havent had a phone call that lasted more than two minutes..
Im completely shut out.
Completely.
Ill give 50 dollars to anyone who;
-Hasnt seen anyone from school.
-Hasnt hung out with anyone other than family.
-Hasnt had a phone call that lasted more than two minutes.
-Hasnt been outside for a minimum of four hours.
-Hasnt said more than four sentences to someone not family.
-Has mastered something completely worthless like solitaire or some computer program.
Because thats me.
And I want to know who else is like me.
Im more than serious right now.
I think I might die.
Become a hermit.
Close all friendships.
Be a loner.
I hate being asian.
Most of the time I dont think of myself as asian.
I hang out with white people and I think the only difference between me and them is that well..we all look differently but I have black hair.
Man, I dont even think about my hair color.
And wow, this has shown up in a lot of blogs.
Everyone has a problem with their race.
If I was one of those losers who cry over shit like this, I would.
But Im not.
And Im glad.
Voicebox..gone? Cant use it..AH!
Right now I prefer to sit and do nothing than attempt to do something.
Now I dont understand why no ones tried saving me.
If I had magical powers to do that, I would. I seriously would.
I consider them magical powers.
To hang out with friends.
Im gonna be more than pathetic and go read Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire.
Your lord and master,
Lisa
Sorry for sounding stupidly dramatic.
Hate drama.
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| The Loser I Am |
| 07.19.05 (6:25 pm) [edit] |
Todays Song-Im Waiting by the All-American Rejects
Now, Im waiting for quite a bit...
Like, waiting for others to see the AAR's new music video on mtv (how they managed to do that, I dont know) and getting perky and saying they JUST EFFIN LOVE THEM!
Or I could be wrong, I mean, this was a 6.98 cd
An amazingly awesomely fuckingly deal (Im so happy I like bands with cheap cds).
But, still, when others notice them and then get their cd later and then then gush about them..Ill be puking.
ADD and uber random..I dont think I even understood what I just wrote up there..
Soooooo! I disappeared!
Man, I was just too excited about HP and my fab saturday.
I woke up early (9).
Went to costco at like 9:40.
Walked pretty walk to a big pile of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince books.
Disappointed about how the pile was smaller than two years ago and how the book was smaller than the fifth book.
The cover was sorta ruined from the eggs my mom got so I ran to get another one (which I put between two shirts I think?)
Read the flaps, other unimportant stuff and then two chapters.
Arrived home.
Went to the library.
Went to taco bell.
Went to target and got my AAR cd, a binder thats gotta be better than the past ones, a folder for a dime and erasers.
Went to mervyns for some reason. I got a new white shirt and calvin got a black *polo* shirt and a green overshirt to match his hat that I picked out. Dork is the new prep.
Went to jamba juice and got a thing that I cant really label. Smoothie? Icee? Drink? Anyway, three *drinks* were over $11.
Dude, the stuff I got at target cost that much.
Went back home and crashed on the couch with my *drink* and HP6.
Got hot and noise was everywhere..crashed on rocking chair, bed upstairs, back onto my couch and then on my space on the floor upstairs.
Its blooming hot though.
I couldnt sleep last night without not breathing and thats saying a bit. I sleep ANYWHERE in ANY condition.
And like, people arent supposed to sweat in their own homes.
Todays better than yesterday though.
Yeaaah, so sunday, I didnt finish HP6 so I woke up at like 8:30-something and finished it in a hour. Then I thrusted the book onto Calvins chest and fell back asleep onto my bed until 2:36. Man am I gifted. [Took me 11 hours to read the book, piff]. Went to my cousins' and was fed blueberry pancakes and...um..steak. I hung out in my cousins' new playroom (ahhh oooooo) that was freaking hot. I liked the stairs even though they scared the shit out of me. Hungout in their room, took Matthew's HP6 and reread a chapter somewhere in the middle. I forced him to finish HP5. He killed his book. And then my aunt called me to her 2nd room and gave me two new fab jeans (that are over $70, madwoman), two other stuff and an overshirt. Other stuff...Jah-heezes.
Oh-h-h-h-h! Lol..that reminds me..I took this one internet test and it said I should be a black jew.
I told Natalie that and she took the test too and shes supposed to be asian *snicker*
Ima black jew, shes an asian.
Monday..um, Matthew and Mark Jr. came over-I forced Matthew to read, fixed up Jr.'s dragon and then sometime I passed out on the rocking chair and woke up suddenly when Jr. bashed me with a broken toy thing of Calvin's.
I had this whole list of what to do on Monday but I didnt do anything,
Nor today.
I wonder where the list is.
Today-reread HP6 (got to like chapter 20 then calvin wanted it) and then..nothing. My aunt bought me a seeeeeeeeeee-through shirt from A&E.
Its not a white shirt, its a light blue but still pretty seeeeeeeeee-through.
What I seriously need to do:
-Map out my room the way I want it to be
-Nail work
-Find my scattered books and put them in one place
-Clean up the computer area
-Clean up my sink area
-Renew library books
-Examine what the hell is up with my hair (it grew more than an inch in two weeks..normal? I think not)
-Fold clothes and put away
-Finish Full Moon anime
-Reread HP4 after reading library books
-Complete super project, man, when was the last time I worked on that thing?
-Put away school shit
-Buy a black shirt
-Fix necklace
-Laundry
Soooo after like four days of listening to this cd I just want to say-
THE ALL-AMERICAN REJECTS ROCK!
FREAKING ROCK I SAY!
A total fan here.
Since 2002, mmhmm, indeed.
Sure I dont own their REAL cd of their 2nd cd but still. I pirated and lost it a couple of times. And now I own a copy that I definitely cant lose.
Tyson and that one guitarist are like super hott.
Aaron called me today. It lasted for a minute. He was giggling and it was most likely a spur of the the moment type of thing on someone's cell. Tylers? I dunno who else has my number on their cell. Jon? Ha ha..yeah right.
I wonder how the hell Jons doing.
Hes just too pretty to be going to sunset.
Lol, pretty.
Ahhhh, James is at the beach for camp.
This is like the third time hes been at the beach.
I havent been to the beach...hmm...
I want seashells.
I want to go to downtown on a saturday and go to the market and the art musuem.
AR! NOT GOING! LISA MAD!
Ive just been informed that we still have a little over two weeks left until we disappear for almost a month.
What should I bring?
What should I buy?
Shoes of course, their shoes totally effin rock butt for an effin cheap price. Maybe that 2.5 cent bottle of shampoo I saw on tv for fun. A paper umbrella. Clothes? I dunno, my aunt said they shrink and my dad told me not to buy any...yeah well I need more shirts to sleep in since like a nice third of them are majorly faded and full of holes. I bet thats hot. Jewelry?
My mom said she's definitely getting someone to make me a dress.
Oh boy. A cambodian dress. Full cambodian or an actually nice pretty one? Hmm...
I dont want to leave for almost a month. And so soon too. Ive just gotten used to summer.
Hot temperatures, waking up late, eating breakfast instead of lunch, not eating until dinner, showering late, staying up late, not moving, not doing anything, losing track of time...thats just mean to take away, especially since Ive now just gotten used to it.
Oh..ha ha, we're taking the greyhound bus now. Its cheaper than renting a freaking small car that I will die in so thats good. But I dont want to be around weirdos on a freaking BUS! I HATE BUSES!
Has anyone else taken the greyhound bus?
If yes..for more than ten hours?
Maybe 18 like I will?
18 *twitch* bus *twitch* california *twitch* pollution *twitch* heat *twitch* sleep not in a bed *twitch* 26 hours on a *twitch* plane *twitch* then a month in cambodia *twitch* flight back *twitch* greyhound bus back *twitch*
The whole month of august *twitch*
Missing my cousin's 2nd birthday *tear*
Nah, not really, but still..this child lives with me and has full control over me.
Missing her 2nd birthday? Not cool.
I wonder if she'll be a cool 2 year old, I like 2 year olds. Theyre not babies, theyre not really toddlers.
SHOWER TIME!
Your lord and master,
Lisa
I still need to talk to real people here!
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| Now Im Depressed. |
| 07.13.05 (3:56 pm) [edit] |
Todays Song-Me yelling in anger.
I had this great post..that got erased.
So, summary...
HARRY POTTER IN THREE DAYS.
IM LEAVING MY HOUSE AT TEN TO DRIVE TO COSTCO ON SATURDAY SO IF YOU REALLY WANT TO SEE ME AND NEED TO DO SHOPPING OR WANT TO GET THE BOOK PLEASE BE THERE!
MY COUSINS SECOND BIRTHDAY IS IN A MONTH.
I WENT TO WESTVIEW THIS MORNING AND THE OFFICE LADIES ARE BITCHES.
THE COUNSELOR WHO MY MOM AND I TALKED TO WAS A "FUCKING FATASS BITCH" I DID NOT LIKE HER.
I BELIEVE I WONT LIKE ANY OF THE WESTVIEW STAFF.
HARRY POTTER AND COSTCO.
I GOT A HAIRCUT.
SHORT.
CUT OFF MORE THAN HALF A FOOT WITH THINNING SHEARS.
I HAVE BANGS THAT ARE TOO LONG TO BE CONSIDERED BANGS BUT TOO SHORT TO PUT UP.
ITS LAYERED IN THE FRONT AND AN INCH DOWN FROM MY COLLAR BONES.
SO LIKE IT MEETS THE END OF MY SHOULDERS.
I FINISHED THREE BOOKS IN TWO DAYS.
I CHECKED OUT THE GREAT GATSBY AND FOR WHOM THE BELL TOLLS TO READ BEFORE I GET HARRY POTTER.
I DONT THINK ILL FINISH THEM IN TWO DAYS.
'SPECIALLY IF THEY LOOK LIKE THEYRE GONNA BORE THE HELL OUTTA ME.
I WANT TO SEE THE CORPSE BRIDE BY TIM BURTON THIS FALL/WINTER.
I LOVE HIS ANIMATED STUFF.
IVE SEEN THE TRAILER LIKE FIVE TIMES, IVE GOT TO SEE THIS MOVIE.
I GOTTA SEE THE FOURTH HARRY POTTER MOVIE TOO.
EVEN THOUGH I DIDNT REALLY LIKE THE FOURTH BOOK.
I TURNED IN MY SUMMER READING LIST TO MY LIBRARY AND GOT MY FREE BOOK.
NOTES FROM A LIAR AND HER DOG BY GENNIFER CHOLDENKO.
THE ONLY ONLY BOOK THAT HAS EVER EVER MADE ME CRY.
AND THATS SAYING A LOT.
THE SUPER PROJECT WILL BE COMPLETED ONCE I FINALIZE THE DAMN THING, LABEL IT AND COVER IT WITH PROTECTIVE MATERIAL.
ALSO MUST GIVE TO MESSANGER AFTER THE 31ST.
IM LEAVING ON THE FIFTH.
SO THE FOURTH WILL BE MY LAST DAY.
THEN I GET TO BE AWAY UNTIL THE THIRD.
WHO WANTS A PRESENT FROM A THIRD WORLD COUNTRY?
A SMALL BOTTLE OF CHEAP SHAMPOO COSTS ONLY 2.5 CENTS!
I SAW PROOF ON TV!
Man, writing in caps is fun.
Its like Im yelling but Im not.
And its like Im stupid but Im not.
And its also like Im saying super important things but Im not.
Lol.
Where is Mr. Worthless?
I havent seen him for weeks.
I wonder if he found someone else to make out with on the 5th.
Where is James?
I miss him.
Lots.
Aiiite, Im done.
Your cute looking lord and master,
Lisa
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| Sick, Tired, Errgh |
| 07.08.05 (7:29 pm) [edit] |
Todays Song-High and Dry by Radiohead
It's the best thing that you ever had, the best thing you have had has gone away.
Don't leave me high, don't leave me dry.
Im talking to someone who cant speak english well, perky, demanding, and doesnt know a thing.
It hurts.
And I have a headache, sore throat, lungs dont work, no apetite and uber awesome cramps.
ITS THE MIDDLE OF SUMMER!
I SHOULDNT FEEL LIKE IM GONNA DIE!
OR SLIP INTO COMAS!
My brother even said that, I was staring at the couch curled up in the corner and he said "you look like your waiting to die" or something like that.
Pretty nice, since Im reading this whole murder book "The Lovely Bones" that he got for me..or borrowed, hm, I dunno.
So, what have I been up to?
I cant remember, Ive been having tension headaches since Sunday. Woah, wasnt that before Independance Day? Hm..yeah, I had a headache then. I hung out with my cousins that day and went over to their house and slept there. I cant just fall asleep in my own home, I gotta do it at someone else's house where its uber cold and I felt like I was doing that whole naked and cuddling thing for warmth even though I was fully clothed and I was alone. When my cousin Amanda poked me and touched my ear (Calvin told her) I woke up. Of course I was already awake. I was listening to my aunt disciplining Mark Jr. whos five and hadnt ate the whole day. She was yelling pretty loud. I stumbled to their deck and ate this asian yellow pancake thing that I didnt want. I would had had a hot dog but I couldnt find the buns..that I was later sitting next to. My uncle asked his kids if they wanted to go to the Oak Hills fireworks show. I was jumping up and down...but my mom said unless I got a ride I couldnt go. I couldnt go anyway, my uncle who lives with me didnt know the way and the uncle who suggested it kids didnt want to go.
Even though being there with james would have been romantic, I was almost better off inhaling smoke, standing for two hours and watching my cousins (who are all younger than me) and Calvin light some effin dangerous shit. Theres this one called "Angel" and it was like a bomb. I couldnt hear for crap since I was ten feet away, and I saw nothing but weirdly shaped smoke. On the first one there was this ring..floating..and Calvin told me it was supposed to be a halo.
It was sooo awesome though, it was louder than the illegal stuff their neighbors had. Shit, those were a fucking beauty. They were MUCH better than any I have ever seen.
The day after I felt like I had a hangover and smoked too much.
Then day two of that.
Went running..horrid idea. Headache, no food, bad taste in your mouth, running like shit=Asthma attack and nearly puking on the beautiful Arbor Ridge Park's grass.
I sat on the bench waiting for Calvin and my mom for like ten minutes. I thought my mom did something to her leg since she didnt want to run before..but no, Calvin thought I was another person and he followed her. Even though when I turned the corner he was less than 8 feet away. I would had walked back..but I would have fell and cracked my head open on the pavement.
Man, asthma attack..those are worst type of shit ever.
Even though I stayed at a hospital for a week in 2nd grade for pneumonia, got stitches on my chin, screwed my lower jaw, twisted my right ankle twice within three months, had all those colds and flus and sinus problems, felt my brain was bleeding that one time when I was really really young and going blind for a couple of seconds...
An asthma attack rules them all.
'Specially when I had coughed my left lung enough to make a freaking hole (feels like it) during winter, had the taste of listerine in my mouth so I couldnt drink water, majorly ruined the damn thing in 2nd grade, 4th grade and 6th grade and felt like I was having a stroke.
Maybe I did..or a heart attack, since my left arm was cold and screwed.
So its the day after and my headache got worse, I cant breathe, my throat feels like someone scraped mucus all over it and then went over it with that really hard paper used to smooth wood with, heart feels dead and so does liver, and Im just super all over.
Id go to the doctor's to demand an x-ray, an inhaler and a note for PE (That Im sure to lose) but..I dont want to.
Actually I seriously want to but I cant.
Why is there no one around??
Nataly's up in Pollution and Dirt Corner (Washington),
Natalies hiding from her dad and having her own problems with like that whole stuff,
James is I dunno-there but theres just this gut feeling that I shouldnt complain too much or call...even though Id really really like to hear his voice,
Tyler's like dead and ruined,
Val and I are healing and she's got that love thing,
And like I should die.
THE SUPER PROJECT:
A project that only two other people know about.
A project Ive been working on since the begininng of the month.
A project Id like to complete before Saturday since my most important tool isnt working correctly and I have to use my brother's and he's moving.
A project that pisses me off entirely.
A project that will give me good results (I hope).
A project that's reaction might not make it before I leave.
A project that has stuff I dont want in it but I seriously WANT IT IN IT!!
A project that has its own messanger.
A project Im making an OCD fuss over.
But Ill do it right, unlike last time-that was like..bad.
Going back in time!..yeah right.
In a month Ill be running around my Uncle's house in Sacromento looking for things and getting food and making sure I have everything !5! times over before going to the airport at one in the morning to be searched and board my first airplane for 26 awesome hours. Maybe more since my uncle who lives with me said there will be stops to certain places cuz not enough people go to Cambodia.
Natalie gave me directions, what to expect and answered my questions.
Im making a fort, I dont care if they think Im a 14-year-old terrorist.
Im claustophobic for heaven's sake. Even I cant sit on my ass for that long sitting. I have to probably sit by Calvin. Calvin! Airplanes are cool but Ive been scared shitless of them since I saw someone go into those giant spinning things that make it fly. Falling into the Pacific Ocean. Claustophobic..claustophobic.
I was in the car sitting next to Calvin on Sat. to go to a restaraunt in celebration of my brother's and mine graduation. So theres five people in the car, the maximum is five. He kept touching my leg, breathing into my space and it felt like that 16 hour drive to California in the summer after 6th grade. I was yelling and trying to scoot away from him and trying to breathe (my grandma's scent since she was in the freaking front) and dying.
Ill die an early age, I know it.
I feel like writing a letter to Jon.
I did it last summer since I was too afraid of calling him so I mailed him a letter telling him to call me.
Interesting conversation..I knew I had to dump him before his birthday.
I wrote on graph paper, and drew a cat on the back.
What is the matter with me and phones??
I like talking to people, seriously, but I cant call someone.
I just cant.
Not since 5th grade.
I can talk to someone talkative for a couple of hours on the phone, but I cant call them to begin that.
That WEB stuff before? I took thirty minutes to call my first guy. After two pouches of capri sun and Calvin yelling at me and dialing the phone number I did it.
After err, complaining a hella lot to someone on aim that day.
My dinner today was ribs my mom cooked "American" style, lol, Mad Greek Deli "fries", mash potatoes and waay too much calcium enriched apple juice.
Lol, my mom was like Im sick and tired of rice! I want something American!
I drank half a gallon of apple juice today.
Its my feel sick drink and food.
Every serving has 120% of the daily reccomended amount of calcium in it.
I dunno how many servings is in half a gallon..but I had an entire albertson container yesterday too..so, Im effin loaded with calcium.
So much its also making me sicker.
More than a gallon of apple juice in two days...
SCORE FOR THE LISSER!!!!!!!!
Your ill lord and master,
Lisa
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| I Think I Actually MIGHT Die |
| 07.07.05 (5:47 am) [edit] |
Todays Song-New York City Cops by The Strokes
2:30-3:20 AM-Fell asleep
7:00 AM-Woke up
7:20 AM-Went outside, walked, ran a third of a mile. Had first asthma attack (or maybe a stroke). Couldnt breathe, walk, barely able to sit down without puking or passing out.
7:50 AM-Came back home, complained to father about getting me apple juice.
8:00 AM-Grandma had crazy talk about me walking with her to everywhere later.
8:07 AM-Suicide thoughts
8:25 AM-Calvin took my couch, didnt get me my sugar, got a lecture from father about being weak and not going to be able to "college p.e."
I love my family.
You know, the whole ruining Lisa's idea of becoming a ballerina, preventing me to do anything physical, letting me stupid and get that pneumonia that ruined my lungs (then that "cold" that I just found out permentally damaged my left lung), not letting me do hockey and expecting me to be a super athletic child.
Man, I dont want to be some dream child. Perfect child.
One with parents who fled from war to fucking A-merica, has a sister who screwed up, a brother who screwed up a little but redeemed himself, a little brother whos a major math genius...Straight As, Honor role..athletic, valedictorian, class president..scholarship.
Goes to college in the East, drinks coffee every morning after her run..goes back to apartment to change and head to class in very trendy East coast fall clothes. Cute tweed jacket, heels and all.
Yeah right.
This is not a good way to start the day..its only 8:40.
First asthma attack, lecture, unreal and depressing thoughts...
I wish I could convince my uncle to save money now so my too intelligent cousin could do ballet..something she'll be amazingly good at.
Amazingly. I mean, she walks on her tipy toes (like I did until 1st grade) and can already do like three of those special basic moves thingy.
Has mood swings like a ten year old.
And she understands two languages.
Speaks full sentences.
Has major major MAJOR allergies. (Whos allergic to milk, cheese, peanuts, fish and yogurt AND is asian?!)
And she's not even two.
If I wasnt actually freaking saving for college by myself, Id save for her ballet/soccer/gymnastics.
But then..when Im a senior, she's a kindergartner..maybe it could work.
Man do I want a kiss.
*Cue a James in a HOT striped jazz suit complete with a hat and grey satin tie at my door with a white and pink lily and forty dollars*
Tee hee.
Your lord and master,
Lisa
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| Arr |
| 07.06.05 (9:36 pm) [edit] |
Todays Song-Wouldnt It Be Nice by the Beach Boys
Wouldn’t it be nice if we could wake up
In the morning when the day is new
And after having spent the day together
Hold each other close the whole night through
J: good night love
L: Good night fish nerd
L: Love you
J: love you
J: miss you
J: alot
L: Miss you more
J: nope
J: i think not
L: I think so
J: :'(
L: Aw
L: Go to sleep and dream about me
J): k
Man, he stole my heart.
And like I totally miss him more.
And so, Lisa ends the day uber sappy and without a heart, or thinking skillz since he took that too.
Your lord and master (who's so in love),
Lisa
The Super Project will now become even more Super-er-er
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| ONE..and my Whining |
| 07.01.05 (11:35 am) [edit] |
Todays Song-Some weirded out Khmer one since I was forced to download three (free, no piracy) cds and I have to listen to it..I dont like this.
IM SUPPOSED TO LISTEN TO THE PIXIES!
THE PIXIES!
NOT THIS!!!!!!!
And what great is that my mom and second cousin want a cd of this...and they cant grasp the concept of that MY CD BURNER IS BROKEN
Anyway...
![]() src="http://www.one.org/media/banners/ONE_log o_treatments.gif"
width="180" height="150" border="0"
Your lord and master,
Lisa
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Indie Rock | | 83% |
Classic Rock. | | 67% |
Emo & More | | 67% |
Indie | | 63% |
Punk & Pop Punk. | | 50% |
Britpop | | 46% |
Ska | | 42% |
Hip Hop & Rap | | 42% |
Industrial | | 38% |
Mainstream | | 33% |
Hardcore | | 25% |
Country | | 13% |
Music Recommendation
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