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Neo-Lisaism
Ah, Lisa exemplifies the process of disowning the true self.
With puberty she went from being a whole, authentic person to a diminished version of herself.
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| talk of dresses |
| 06.17.08 (12:22 am) [edit] |
Todays song-spooky couch by albert hammond jr
I wish I had a summer dress
and that my boobs werent so large
and that I had more friends
and definitely for more money. jesus christ am I tired of being poor
and that this summer was filled with joy and shit
I dont have any vacations to look forward to
no friends around who could hang out with me
although Im not really allowed to hang out with anyone
or get out of my neighborhood without my brother
no summer job
no internship
another three months of doing shit
reading, tving, sleeping
I wonder if Ill manage to take two naps a day again
my first attempt to hanging out with people during the summer was quite horrible
I had to beg a shitload to go to the movies
and was late to it
perhaps I should have arranged to go like an hour
earlier to hang out with M or something
even though that would probably too awkward for him to agree to
because Im the most awkward person to be around
I suppose thats because my social development is stunted
I didnt know the movie was a horror flick until an hour before
and I was constantly shushed by M when trying to talk
even though N was perfectly able to say her witty comments
her social development has gotten along great
I lost 8 extra dollars
when the movie was over, we went to a pet store that is way too sad for normal people to go to
and then N and M left
before doing so, M wanted A to be with him
and N got immediately on her phone to call H and V to hang out right after
that made me feel great
and so I was left alone to battle powells, the great big used adn new bookstore by myself
except it was too goddamn scary and desolate for me to be there
and I had to walk to the opposite end of the mall, alone, to best buy
where non attractive nerds looked at me
and teenagers giggled with their own groups of friends
they probably laughed at my large, scarred legs
and my innappropriate white short shorts
I felt really bad that I kept hitting M repeatedly when I got spooked.
and that I didnt warn him about it beforehand
but you know what? he told me to shhh
so there
however I did like that N was more irrational than I was
and that M gave me fruit snacks and opened the packet for me
and told me what was happening when I was too chicken to watch
albeit that another guy behind us a couple of rows was doing the same thing to his female friend
probably girlfriend
and M most definitely got the idea from him
wahoo. first R rated movie at the theaters was one of the gayest slasher films ever
ever bored,
lisa.
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| joking truth |
| 06.04.08 (6:57 pm) [edit] |
Todays song-your protector by fleet foxes
sometimes people at school joke about how Im under house arrest
not because I really am, but because my father refuses to let me out
I cant even walk around the neighborhood without my brother.
who by the way, can walk to any place he wants to.
and is more than two years younger than I am
and my neighborhood is the safest cul de sac in the world
I mean, how much harm could a couple of old people and young children do
during dinner he remarked on an observation he made today
that a lot of young people were walking around everywhere with their friends
that ruined my appetite and no one deducted that I had suddenly gotten sad because of his stupid mouth
maybe friends arent forever because he wont let me have one
lisa.
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| I like to think Im not alone |
| 06.01.08 (2:13 pm) [edit] |
Todays song-Centennial by Tokyo Police Club
steady hands
easy breath
I dont think Im pmsing yet Im fighting with my father again
It started off with seeing val and natalie walking along the road to b&n
and he knows how much I really want to do that with them
yet he said some bullshit about how he would let me do that but my mother wouldnt
but, my mom would definitely let me do that
hell, she'd drive us there and leave us for like a couple of hours
whereas my father would stay in b&n and randomly check on us
And then the next day he talked to me, while picking up pizza, about how I was ultimately alone in this world and that friends are not forever
Ill get new friends all the time
Old friends will always be in my life, but theyre not really there, theyre not important
Familly matters
and yes. this is somewhat true. but he said in a 'youre alone in this world. stop bitching and moaning about it. the only people you have is me, your mom, and calvin, and we arent going to be always there for you' kind of way
I warned him about how I was sad all the time
and how my social skills are sub par
I need to develop them now or itll be too late (its not he said. he said more bullshit about how I can start living life AFTER college)
I theorized that maybe Ill grow up to not have friends, not have a husband, become super depressed, and then commit suicide
He thinks Im ridiculous
but Im serious. what happens if that happens. will he blame himself?
I mean, I had a cousin commit suicide a couple years ago, its not like it wouldn't happen to my family because it already has
Yesterday he said I had a bad attitude
and I explained to my mom about why we were on bad terms this weekend
and she said 'like father like daughter'
which actually seemed to piss him off more because sons are supposed to be like fathers
Its not my fault my other gender chromosome isnt a Y, its his
Today I asked him if he would let me go to a third world country and help out with a medical team, similar to the red cross
he said no
And the country is cambodia!
thats where he used to goddamn live!
he is such a fake
'youd get aids. you could get kidnapped. its too far away. i only have one daughter. i bet your aunt wouldnt let her own daughter go'
But my aunt said she would let her daughter go!
I wont get fucking aids!
he also thinks that college isnt that expensive
that I wont get into a 100,000 debt by age thirty
hell! itll be more!
If u of o is 15000 a year, for four years, thats like 60000 right there
and then housing and shit like that
graduate school is way more expensive than undergraduate, especially if Im aiming for an ivy league
and living near an ivy league is hella expensive
I might buy a loft or something by thirty
I could get married by age thirty
I am 17 years old!
I need friends!
I need to be around people other than the people who live in my goddamn house!
thank god for the internet.
myspace and aim<3>
my father is such a hypocrite.
lisa.
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Indie Rock | | 83% |
Classic Rock. | | 67% |
Emo & More | | 67% |
Indie | | 63% |
Punk & Pop Punk. | | 50% |
Britpop | | 46% |
Ska | | 42% |
Hip Hop & Rap | | 42% |
Industrial | | 38% |
Mainstream | | 33% |
Hardcore | | 25% |
Country | | 13% |
Music Recommendation
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